Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
