I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
