i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
