i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
