There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The Olympian is in my bed
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize