Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
