Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
