i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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