I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
