if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
