she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
