dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
