thus making me awesome and them whores
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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