Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
