I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
