i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
