I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
