I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
