the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
