So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
