He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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