The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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