Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
