Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
