I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
