i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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