Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
