SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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