"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
