Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
