I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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