I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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