At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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