This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i drank out of a bidet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
