I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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