I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
