my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
