Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
