chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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