it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
