shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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