Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
