just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
