After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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