Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
