The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
