So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
