she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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