Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
and you fell through a lawn chair
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
