I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
