Me. At least after what I've been through.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My dick has a subreddit
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
