I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Jerry, you need to find god
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
