You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's shark week go big or go home
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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