Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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