There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
