She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
