You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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