I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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