Are we in a gay sports bar?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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