i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
