smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
