So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
