Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
