The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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