just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
